Skip to main content

Inner Conflict

 



Inner Conflict


I woke up one day

And felt my face

It was wet.

I looked at my pillow

It was also drenched.

I recalled,

I had cried myself to sleep yesterday

My eyes were still red and puffy

What had happened?

I didn't remember.

The day passed and the night came

I slept.

I woke up

Again to find that the tears had escaped

What had happened?

I didn't remember.

It happened again

And again

It continued.

I didn't know what was happening to me

I was so confused

I was so sad

I had forgotten to smile

My mom used to see me with her sullen eyes

She always tried to hide her face

What was she hiding?

She would not wear makeup anymore

Her eyes had dark circles underneath them

The most puzzling thing was that all the knives

All the scissors of the home

Had been removed or hidden

From whom? I didn't know.

One day she started crying, my mom was crying

She was so loud

I didn't know what was happening

I looked around

I saw myself holding a blade in one hand

And the other underneath the blade

It was then that I was brought back to my consciousness

I dropped the blade and tried to recall

Nothing happened.

I didn't know what was happening

My mom was still crying

It was then that it struck me

I was the sadness

I was causing her pain

I was causing myself pain

But the pain was too much

My therapist used to tell me

To never succumb to the sadness

To never succumb to the depression

Never lose hope for the light exists

I never knew what she meant

I never knew what she wanted me to do

For I wasn't controlling my body

It was the sorrow of suffering

And it was then that I realized

I realized that there was so much more than just the pain

There was much more to life

There was much more to me than just the hurt

There was much more to me than just me

I was made of infinite possibilities

My mind would listen to those negative ones

When it could've listened to the positives

And it is how situations made me

Made me weak and made my mind cynical

But I am better

Better with those realizations

Better with dealing

Better with life

And here I end this conflict with my existence

And instead embrace the soul I've been given

For it is one and one only

Throughout my life.



~ Vedha Bhasin 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Street Art - The Voice of Mumbai's Urbanity

“Art imitates life.”  Art is a mirror showing the beautiful and grotesque face of our world. Through time, all forms of art have been windows into social structures, lifestyles, and beliefs of civilizations. Transformative art has evolved over centuries as the voice of people of their times, inspiring change from a shift in social norms to war revolutions.  ["Humanity" at Sassoon Docks. Photo Credit: Special Arrangement, The Hindu] A tedious train ride in the mornings, the stationary traffic in the evenings, in the gray monotonous life of Mumbai, some days my eyes find the gorgeous colors on mossy walls and railway bridges, across old complexes and abandoned warehouses. The Street Art of Mumbai - present everywhere, unnoticed yet leaving its mark.   From the cultural abundance of the city we inhabit to the push for human rights and protest against climate change, from promoting harmony to lauding the unsung heroes, street art does more than beautify the concrete forest we...
3 comments
Read more

Drizzles and Downpours: An Outsider's Look Into Mumbai's Monsoons

Rivulets of water streaming down green leaves. Tiny paper boats floating around in muddy puddles. The sharp rat-tat-tat of droplets against tin roofs and the scent of sweet jasmine rising through the air.  Back home in Kerala, the monsoons had been a time of celebration. The bright and lush paddy fields, car rides filled with the cheer of raindrop races, and the pleasure in consuming all the kozhikotta and chaaya that my grandmother made.  Board games and splashing puddles colored my monsoon. Yet when I arrived in Mumbai, it all came to a pause. Dancing in the rain turned to rushing for shelter, my puddle splashing transformed into cuffing my jeans and my previously abandoned umbrella found a new purpose.  Mumbai had taken away the joy of my beloved monsoon. Or so I thought.   The monsoons in Mumbai were different. While in Kerala, the cities came to a standstill in the face of storms, the hustle and bustle of Mumbai remained unwavering. A phenomenon I’ve slowly be...
2 comments
Read more

World Sight Day: A New Perspective

  Creator: Niruti Stock | Credit: Getty Images We all start our week by lamenting the so-called 'Monday Blues' and stressing about our pending work. Many of us overlook the luxuries we own and curse the life we lead; we never take the time to step into someone else's shoes and live life from their perspective. Life is as appalling as it is enchanting and as unfair as it is beautiful. From time to time, we have all questioned our fate and wondered, “Why me?" At some point in life, we all stumble on a rock, struggle to rise, and conclude that 'nothing good can ever happen in my life.’ But have we ever paused to count all the 'good things' that have already happened to us? The purpose of this blog is not to make you feel guilty but to make you realize that, in many ways, you are in a better position than someone else. At the same time, it highlights a global initiative by WHO and Lions Club International. While the previous blog focused on the 'Leading L...
1 comment
Read more