Source: apsnews.org
Whether
we like to admit it or not, we’ve all gossiped. Maybe it was at the office
water cooler, or with friends in the canteen foyer, or during a family dinner.
Gossip is an age-old human tradition that has been whispered, shouted, passed
through handwritten notes, and now thrives in
WhatsApp text messages, Insta DMs and never-ending phone calls with your
best friend (personal record: three hours and fifty minutes).
But
have you ever stopped to think why we
gossip? Why has this seemingly trivial act of exchanging information persisted
for over a millennia of human history?To figure that out, we need to take a
little detour into the past. Ever heard of Sankofa? It’s a Ghanaian concept
that means “it’s not wrong to go back for what you’ve forgotten.” Essentially,
it’s a call to learn from the past, and there’s no better way to further
understand gossip than to dig into its
roots.Well, grab a seat then, bucko, and let’s gossip a little about gossip.
To
uncover gossip’s origins, we need to rewind thousands of years, to when humans
lived in small hunter-gatherer groups. Early humans didn’t have the luxuries of
modern society—no law enforcement to maintain order, no internet , No
Kardashians to keep up with and certainly no social media. Instead, our
ancestors relied on social relationships within their tribe for survival.
Gossip wasn’t just a pastime—it was a survival tool.
Robin
Dunbar, a British anthropologist, proposed what is now known as Dunbar's Number, the idea that humans
can maintain stable social relationships with about 150 people. In monkeys and
apes, there is correlation between primate brain size and the size of their
social groups, and by extrapolating this relationship we would expect humans to
have a natural upper limit to the number of people in their group to about 150.
This actually turns out to be surprisingly common in human social organization. It can be
argued that in such groups, gossip emerged as a form of "social
grooming". Just as primates would groom each other to strengthen bonds and
build trust, humans evolved to use language—and in turn gossip—as a way to
create and maintain alliances, monitor reputations, and avoid dangerous or
unreliable individuals.
Think
of gossip as an early warning radar for potential threats within your tribe. If
someone was being dishonest or lazy, it was important for the group to know.
But on the flip side, gossip also helped build bonds through shared stories
which meant incrementally more cooperation from others, better mates, and
access to valuable resources in terms of food and water. In a way, gossip was
the original "social media"—minus the likes and comments, of course.
Gossip
isn't always only a survival mechanism as evolutionary psychology says; We can
say culturally too it has also acted as
a social glue. Ever noticed how sharing a juicy piece of information with a
friend instantly makes you feel closer to them? It is like sharing that one
secret together makes your bond stronger. That's because gossip is a bonding
experience for us social beings who are hardwired for connection. Gossip
strengthens social bonds by creating a sense of shared knowledge and mutual
trust.
Fast-forward
to modern society, the stakes may be lower, but gossip still helps us in this
manner to better understand the social dynamics around us and play our part in
it. Socio-cultural theories also imply that It influences our perceptions about
our own cultural context and what we imagine is morally acceptable to us. It
reflects our own priorities and anxieties as a society.Since We only gossip
about what impacts us. It's an impactful source of cultural learning as well.
For example, think about someone who
lies frequently or who cheats others and people start talking about that red
flagged person negatively, the collective criticism through gossip is intended to warn others of the
consequences of lying as well.Similarly if one of your cousins tops their class
frequently and wins medals in many extracurricular activities. Your parents or
your other cousins might “gossip” it to you. As an example of what's ideal.
This
is the very basis of gossip and why it originated. Gossip might have been
essential to survival but the eventual evolution of human society made it an
essential social tool as well.
And
here's where we need to clear the air: gossip itself isn’t inherently
bad.That’s a myth. The word itself has gained a bit of a negative connotation,
conjuring up images of backstabbing or petty, maligning rumors; gossip can
generally be defined as "talking about someone who isn't present” In fact up to 65% of our conversations,
according to some studies, can be classified as gossip. Most researchers often
classify gossip into three broad categories:
- Positive Gossip: which includes celebrating someone’s achievements, passing on good news, or praising someone behind their back.
- Negative Gossip: Criticizing, spreading malicious rumors, or highlighting someone’s flaws or mistakes, humiliating them behind their back. This form of gossip can be toxic, often driven by jealousy, resentment or competition, and can erode trust and social bonds .
- Neutral
Gossip:
Sharing information about someone without casting judgment or making value
statements—simply exchanging facts or updates with others you know.
Interestingly,
research also tells us that most gossip in our daily life falls into the
neutral or positive category instead of it being solely negative gossip —and that would still just
be the tip of the iceberg. It certainly tends to be the most memorable
and dramatic part, yet it's not the only part that exists.
So,
where does that leave us?For better or worse, gossip is like fire—controlled,
it can warm others and bring people together, but left unchecked, it can only
burn bridges and create divisions in people's hearts.
Gossip,when
stripped down to its very core, is all about shared storytelling and Mutual Understanding of some
sort — everlasting principles that remain crucial in building strong, connected
communities even today.(if we think of all those society aunties' circles as
well!)Stories whether whispered in ancient tribes or exchanged over coffee
today carry with it the heritage of this evolutionary bit of human history as
well. Gossip has played a role in
changing so much in the world.Much like the Sankofa bird looks back to fetch
wisdom from the past, we too have revisited the origins of gossip to understand
its role better in our lives today. They still shape how we understand the
world and each other.
But
here’s the challenge: Can we tell better stories? How can we choose to carry
forward narratives that build rather than break, that heal rather than harm?
How do we decide which narratives should
even be carried forward? Can we allow space for newer narratives and explanations other than one main grand
narrative to emerge? How will we treat it? If gossip is such a natural and
ingrained part of human behavior, how can we use it responsibly to benefit us
and others around us? With this reflection, Can we use the knowledge, interest
and attention gossip provides us with to create relationships and conversations
infused with empathy, awareness, and meaningful intentions, using it as a way
into better meaningful dialogue and exchange of ideas?
Gossip, then, becomes not just a relic of our
past but a tool for our own personal growth—an instinctive, timeless way to
connect, learn , and strengthen our communities. You may find that it’s an
almost impossible task to eliminate gossip entirely due to how we evolved as
discussed earlier and how intrinsic it has become to our social speech.
But my dear readers, let the goal of this article be to bring awareness to your gossip; the goal is to help you sense a little
better where you might be crossing the boundary at times. It is to bring you a
little closer to the fact that only this sensitivity or a simple sense of
discernment and self-awareness may not lead you to stop gossiping altogether
but incorporating it will help you bring
greater compassion, care, and empathy into even the most ordinary
conversations, moving forward. I’ll guarantee that to you. And That's of value
in its own right.
-Gauri Gawde
Volunteer, Editorial Committee 2024-25
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